Who Does More Housework? Why Couples Add Up to 140%
The short version: you see every chore you do and only some of the chores other people do. If a couple split the housework exactly 50/50 and each notices less than half of the other's work, both will honestly say they do 70%. Together that's 140%. Nobody is lying. Everybody is counting with one eye shut.
It started with a bin bag. Uncle Gary took it out, and on the way back he said, in the voice of a man who has carried the household for decades: "I do 70% of everything in this house."
Aunt Linda put down the plate she was drying. "I do 70%," she said. "At least."
Cousin Kevin, who has been staying with them since March, looked up from the sofa and said he'd put his own share at about 30%. The house now does 170% of its housework. The dishes are still in the sink.
Total housework done: 140%
Shares of one thing should add up to 100%. Gary's and Linda's add up to 140%. The obvious conclusion is that one of them is lying. The more interesting conclusion is that neither is.
Here's the mechanism. You do your own chores, so you remember all of them: the bin, the gutter, the 40 minutes on hold to the insurance company. The other person's chores mostly happen while you're somewhere else. You notice some of them. You don't notice the rest, because noticing them would require being there, and being there would mean doing them.
So each person's estimate is: my work divided by my work plus the part of yours I happened to see.
The maths of two honest 70%s
Suppose the truth is a perfectly fair 50/50 split, and each of them notices only a share of what the other one does. How much would each one have to miss to say "70%"?
- Gary's view: his 50 units of work, plus whatever share of Linda's 50 units he notices.
- For his share to look like 70%, Linda's visible work has to be about 21 units, because 50 divided by 71 is 70%.
- 21 out of 50 is 43%. So Gary notices 43% of what Linda does. And if Linda is just as observant, she says 70% too.
| Share of the other's chores you notice | Each person's honest estimate (true split 50/50) | Total claimed |
|---|---|---|
| 100% (you see everything) | 50% | 100% |
| 67% | 60% | 120% |
| 43% | 70% | 140% |
| 25% | 80% | 160% |
So two people each claiming 70% is exactly what a perfectly fair split looks like to two people who each see less than half of the other's work. It's also what an unfair split looks like. That's the problem: the claims can't tell you which. Psychologists have been asking couples this question since the late 1970s, and the totals have regularly come out above 100%. The sum over 100% is the normal result, not the scandal.
What each of them sees (true split 50/50)
The circle that follows
Each step is reasonable. Gary remembers all his work, so he concludes he does most of it. If he does most of it, Linda must do less. If Linda does less, then the chores he does see her doing are, clearly, the exception. Linda follows exactly the same steps in the opposite direction. Both arrive at the same place, which is the moral high ground. It's quite crowded up there.
How to settle it: the one-week tally
1. Write a list on the fridge with every recurring chore, including the invisible ones: booking the dentist, remembering birthdays, noticing the milk is running out.
2. For one week, each of you ticks what you did, when you did it. Not from memory at the end of the week. Memory is the instrument that broke.
3. Compare totals, not percentages. The list doesn't make anyone right. It just replaces two partial views with one shared one.
Where it costs you money
Ask Uncle Gary about his trades and he'll describe seven brilliant winners and "a couple" of losers. His broker statement describes something else. Everyone remembers their own successes more vividly than their failures, which is why people who trade overestimate their hit rate. The fix is the same as the fridge list: a trade log written at the time, not reconstructed afterwards.
The moral
The tally ran for a week. Gary did 48% of the chores. Linda did 52%. Kevin did one, which was eating the leftovers before they went off, and he would like it recorded as a contribution to waste reduction.
Gary says the week was unrepresentative. Linda says she always knew. The kitchen was clean for seven days in a row, which nobody can remember happening before, possibly because nobody was counting.
The couple and their numbers are an illustration. The table assumes both people notice the same share of each other's chores and that the true split is 50/50. Educational content, not financial advice.